plain english ASIA

Sentence construction a major challenge for Ocean Park

November 9th, 2009 2 Comments

While Ocean Park is in the midst of a huge redevelopment plan, we wonder how they can manage to construct three hotels when they have difficulty in constructing a basic sentence.

Take a look at this on Ocean Park’s website:

Ocean Park's good-looking, badly written website

Strange that a corporation goes to so much trouble to design great looking graphics yet doesn’t even bother that the text is littered with PR fluff, screaming grammatical errors and general nonsense.

Though the whole site is littered with errors, we explain just three from the screenshot above:

1. Looking into Future: We seem to be missing a definite article here. This should read ‘Looking into the Future’

2. We’re pretty much lost for words on this. We just have two: meaningless babble.

3. We seem to be missing a verb here. Every complete sentence needs a subject and a verb. Not necessarily an object. We suggest ‘visit’. We also need a definite article: ‘It’s time to visit the new Ocean Park’ is better. Hardly enthralling copy, but at least it’s correct.

Mickey and friends, on the other hand, have no problems with the English language, even in Hong Kong.

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Dragonair: Empty promise

September 21st, 2009 No Comments

There I was sitting in Chek Lap Kok airport – Gate 81 – trying not to be too annoyed that my flight was delayed by 90 minutes when I happened to read the message on the back of my boarding pass:

Dragonair's empty promise Well, that made me annoyed. How can they pledge to ensure ‘all flights depart on time’ when clearly they don’t!!

I was willing to overlook the punctuation and grammatical errors, but not an astonishingly empty promise.

The Oxford dictionary defines ‘ensure’ as follows:

• verb 1 make certain that (something) will occur or be so.

See the full entry.

Yet, my flight certainly took off late. And I’m certain that it wasn’t the first, nor will it be the last. Certainly, a bad piece of writing.

Writing Penalty for Transport Department

September 10th, 2009 No Comments

I challenge you to understand this letter in fewer than three attempts. Sorry; no joining the challenge if the procedure is already familiar. TD Dept

When your information involves expiry dates dictating what individuals can and cannot do, careful planning is needed in order to answer the readers’ questions without straining their brains.

The least informed reader will be new, both to driving in Hong Kong, and this procedure.

What do they want to know?

Q 1 What is the relationship between this Certificate of Roadworthiness (COR) and the vehicle licence?

Q 2 How should their durations match up?

Dear Sir/Madam

Vehicle No: XXXXXX

Certificate of Roadworthiness issued: 08 -10- 08

Your vehicle is now certified roadworthy for twelve months from the issue date above. You need a current certificate to apply for a vehicle licence but must apply within four months of this issue date. (Q1)

Vehicle licences are available in durations of four or twelve months. However, you must ensure that the licence you apply for does not expire later than your certificate.(Q2). If it does, you will need to have your car reexamined, pass the examination and submit a new certificate of roadworthiness.

Was this easier to understand? Give us your comments.

Telephonic notice: say what?!!

September 9th, 2009 No Comments

A new client surprised and disappointed me this morning with their awful agreement.

Full of legalese and unplain English, it includes the following:

10 ) DELAYS. The TRAINER shall give the COMPANY immediate telephonic notice of any event which might cause a delay in the timely performance of services….

This caused me to wonder whether a text/SMS message would count as ‘immediate telephonic notice’ and introduces some ambiguity to the statement. I suspect the writer meant ‘telephone’ (to actually speak with a human being).

So, the writer may have elected to write instead:

10 ) DELAYS. The TRAINER shall give the COMPANY immediate telephonic notice of any event which might cause a delay in the timely performance of services….

Telephonic notice means oral notice by means of telephonic communication and, for the avoidance of doubt, does not include any oral notice left on an answerphone, voicemail or other such type of service (voicemail), save where such oral notice left on a voicemail is confirmed by a subsequent oral telephonic communication to the recipient. Further, without prejudice to the foregoing, telephonic notice may not be given by texting, SMS or other written means of telephonic communication.

Or, they may have simply said:

10 ) DELAYS. The TRAINER is to telephone the COMPANY immediately if any event might cause a delay in the timely performance of services….

This is an extreme example of a common practice. Writers often turn their verbs into nouns. For example: ‘he made a decision’ when the verb ‘decided’ would be more plain.

The use of ’shall’ is another can of worms entirely which we’ll come back to.

BTW, the client is hiring us to train their staff to write in Plain English.

Law firm cares about its communications

August 12th, 2009 1 Comment

I came across a very refreshing website the other day – that of law firm, Kennedys.

Here’s what they say on their homepage under a one-paragraph introduction of the firm:

Kennedys: Legal advice in black and white
It’s interesting to see these four points set out like this. Not only is the firm differentiating itself on the basis of its clear communications, they have also broken down Plain English into these four discrete aspects.

Many legal professionals think Plain English is simply ‘Clear English’. They forget the first three points.

Thanks for the reminder, Kennedys.

Regina Ip slates HK Government’s writing

August 10th, 2009 1 Comment

Regina Ip Lau Suk-yee is legislator and chairwoman of think tank Savantas Policy Institute. Recently, she published an article that was less than complimentary of her ex-colleagues’ writing skills.

She starts off by saying:

If your job involves the regular review of English-language government
documentation as mine does, you will agree not a single day passes without
encountering some basic grammatical errors or glaring samples of
“Chinglish” (Chinese English).

Yes, Regina, we agree. Our work requires us to sift through dozens of such documents every day. See our previous post on a letter from the Education Bureau.

This is obviously an issue that bugs Regina. In April, Regina wrote to the Chairman of the House Committee correcting the Chief Secretary’s poor grammar.

However, we’d say that Regina’s getting a little lost in the detail. The Chinglish and basic grammatical errors are not our main concern. We’re more worried by the government’s persistent use of unnecessary ‘officialese’. It’s time to get rid of the old-fashioned, complex and turgid style that most civil servants insist on still using.

Regina wonders:
Has this government run out of people who can write simple, correct, functional English?

We’re not sure they ever could, to be honest. But, ’simple’ is the key word here. And, would you believe it, they do promote a plain English style of writing internally.

Trouble is, they won’t come out and publicly say so. And, until they do, the implementation of a plain English writing style is haphazard and left to the whims of individuals.

Why won’t our HKSAR government centralise and formalise a plain English language policy? Governments in the UK, USA, Australia, New Zealand, South Africa, Mexico and the EU, among others, have already done so.

Until our government follows suit, we – the public – will have to suffer. And, we – Plain English Asia – will be hand picking the ugliest of the ugly and posting them here with comments and rewrites for your reading pleasure!

Don’t be stupid: Get your apostrophes right

July 27th, 2009 No Comments

Seth Godin, bestselling author and writer of the most popular marketing blog in the world posted about apostrophes last week.
He says:

When I get a manuscript or see a sign that misuses its and it’s and quotes, I immediately assume that the person who created it is stupid.

I understand that this is a mistake on my part. They’re not necessarily totally stupid, they’re just stupid about apostrophes.

It’s a moral failing on my part to conflate the two, but I bet I’m not the only one. What else are your customers judging you on?

It’s not just about being a grammar stickler. The fact is, we’re constantly looking for clues and telling ourselves stories based on limited information. It shouldn’t matter, but it does.

Lynn Truss, author of ‘Eats, Shoots & Leaves: A zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation’ says:

Getting your itses mixed up is the greatest solecism in the world of punctuation. No matter that you have a PhD and have read all of Henry James twice. If you still persist in writing, “Good food at it’s best”, you deserve to struck by lightning, hacked up on the spot and buried in an unmarked grave.

Harsh words indeed, but she gets the point across. So, remember – don’t be stupid – or appear stupid (and unprofessional). Get your apostrophe’s right!!

Extreme Document Makeover 1

July 20th, 2009 3 Comments

We’ll kick this off with a document we’ve been using in our seminars and workshops for a few months now. The readers of the original struggle to understand. The readers of our version take seconds to read and understand. You try:

As you read, answer the question ‘What extension numbers will be affected?’.

Read the first memo.
You’ll probably need to read it again.
And again.
At this stage, don’t worry. You’re normal.

Here it is:

Subject: Change of Telephone Numbers

Dear all,

Please be informed that as the telephone numbering range the company has been using, i.e. 2801-xxxx where xxxx represents the 4-digit extension numbers starting with 2,3,4,5,7 or 8 since around 1992, has virtually been used up, we will start using the new telephone numbering range of 3911-yyyy where yyyy represents the 4-digit extension numbers starting with 2, 3 or 8, from March 1st. In other words, for extension numbers starting with 2, 3 or 8, the telephone numbers will be 3911 followed by the extension numbers. Making of internal calls however will remain just dialing of the 4-digit extension numbers.

In fact, we have tried to obtain allocation of more telephone numbers starting with 2801 but to avail as they have all been allocated to other users by the telephone company. The alternative of course is to use a new numbering range altogether but, as this will affect ALL users, it is not preferred at the present stage.

We hope colleagues will find the arrangement as detailed above acceptable. Please feel free to call Catherine Cheng at ext 1167 if you need any further information or clarification.

Regards,

Obviously, this is about as ‘unplain’ as it gets!

Here’s the plain version:

Subject: Change of Telephone Numbers

To accommodate more numbers in our telephone system, some numbers will soon change.

If your existing extension number begins with 2, 3 or 8:

your outside line will change from 2801 XXXX to 3911 XXXX.

your extension number will not change.

This change is effective 1 March 200X.

If you have any questions about this arrangement, please call Catherine on ext 1111.

Regards

In our experiments, it generally takes a full 2 minutes longer to read and understand the unplain version.

Depending on the size of your organisation, this could translate into millions of dollars.

Are you ready to start writing in plain English? Email us for a quote. We run public courses too!

HKMA – Upcoming Progrmames

July 7th, 2009 No Comments

Oops! Someone at the Hong Kong Management Association will be kicking themselves for this blooper.

Apparently, the Professional Institute of Management and Education have problems with their grammar, spelling and style.

HKMA Brochure July 2009 - January 2010

Grammar: Learning How to Taste & Discovering Bordeaux Wine

Jargon: Intensive ENS Program

Inconsistencies: Programme/Program, Middlesex University, UK/University of Huddersfield.

Make friends with ‘Tab’

June 25th, 2009 No Comments

Structure and organization is a central principle in plain English. So is making your document easy to navigate. To this end, I invite you to become reacquainted with an often forgotten ‘friend’ on the far left of your keyboard.

The tab key is the one key on the keyboard designed to make information simpler. Consider the following list of items:

red lion cola pepper sapphire
blue bear frappe salt diamond
green alligator martini msg topaz
pink flamingo espresso garlic ruby
white giraffe milk cumin emerald
black penguin beer saffron amethyst
gray dog water cinnamon turquoise

As we read from left to right, no order is apparent. Once we reorganize with tabs or tables, the categories emerge and we are easily able to understand. Adding row headings would leave the readers in no doubt.

Table

This example is taken from an excellent book – The Laws of Simplicity, by John Maeda. Maeda, a designer among other things, says “The tabular form of data is by no means rocket science, but it is a rare sort of visual magic that always works”.

We don’t use tables enough. We should use them more.